Year 8, Week 18: In Remembrance

   

Matthew 28:20

     We're back from our Winter Break, back to our school schedule as our second semester commences. I'm not even sure how to begin this since so much has happened since I last posted, both in my personal life and in the our nation. First, I'm writing this from my daughter's laptop because our computer went kaput. So, that's one thing. Then my mom ended up in the hospital right before Christmas. Then our oven broke. Then we woke up New Year's Day to the shocking new of the passing of my aunt. Finally, we got some news that may create some changes for us. I know none of this is exactly homeschool related but there are always lessons to be learned.

     Despite these things I know we're blessed. Yes, our computer needs to be replaced, but in the meantime we have a laptop that we can use for homeschooling and other functions. Plus, we can (sort of) afford to get a new one. Yes, my mom was in the hospital but my siblings, who live closer to her, were on top of things and my mom was able to get the needed care and recover. Yes, my oven broke but I was still able to make healthy meals for my family, with groceries we were able to purchase and get the oven fixed. Sure, the news we received is a little troubling, but we're trusting in God for it....for all of it. 

     As for my aunt, I haven't publicly written anything about her. It's hard to write about loss and death. Most who know me know that I enjoy writing. It's how I process things; how I vent, get things done, how I sometimes pray and how I remember things. Occasionally, it's also how I grieve.

     I was blessed to have known my great grandfather and spend time with him. He had nine kids and with that came plenty of cousins for my mom. In our Filipino culture, they are considered my aunts and uncles. When I was little I had no idea how I was related to all these people, but when we gathered at my Papa's house I knew it was going to be fun and loud; that there would be teasing, jokes, laughter and that we would need a good twenty minutes to say goodbye to everyone as the evening came to an end.

     I grew up surrounded by those aunts and uncles, another blessing. Time and distance eventually made it difficult to gather often, as it does for most when we get older and raise families of our own. Annual family reunions and social media allows us to keep up with each other. In one of our last social media interactions my aunt said she was proud of me for homeschooling.

     This aunt in particular I always thought of as the "tough one". She had a way about her that conveyed not to mess with her, yet behind that façade, there was a gentle and humorous, often sarcastic, side. I think all my aunts have a bit of that toughness about them, to me it just happened to stand out more in her. She was close to my mom's age, younger by five years. My mom shared that my aunt always made a point of reminding her that she was and would always be five years older. My mom only has brothers, so this aunt, much like my mom's other female cousins, was the closest she had to a sister. Auntie Edna had a distinct voice and laughter, the kind you'd hear in a crowd and you'd know it was her. She played a key role in several of our family reunions. Sometimes, when I heard her call out someone's name I thought they were in trouble! You could only confirm that you were about to "get it" if she also gave you "the look" as she called you over. I can still hear her, though it's been a few years since I've seen her in person.

     I'm grieving for great aunt (her mom), my uncle, for my cousins (her husband and kids), my mom...my family. We're all in disbelief. It doesn't seem real and like many families who've lost a loved one over the past year, it's even more difficult that we can't gather, cry and hug, support each other and laugh as we share stories of remembrance.

     Our family reunions will never be the same without her but I do pray we'll be able to gather again...soon. Our time here is precious and short. If you need to forgive someone, forgive. If you need to apologize, say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong, forgive me." Don't let petty things...your pride, your selfishness, your stubbornness stop you from humbling yourself and serving others with love and compassion, especially your loved ones. There's already enough division in this nation, don't let it infiltrate your family.

     In the midst of our struggles, our mourning, our pain and our joy; in the midst of our divided country, He is with us. His name, Immanuel, means "God with us". It's hard to understand; hard to grasp sometimes. We are not promised a happy life, a good life, or even a long life. Jesus even says that we will have trouble BUT (and this is where my heart swells with joy and gratefulness) Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33). He's overcome all the things we His children endure, even death! (Romans 6:23).